Topless Topics Rant- Why I’m Stressed Out

Published on December 28, 2020

After spending the better part of today dealing with a litany of criticisms and mansplaining (and yes, it’s “mansplaining” to tell me “you’re not making your videos the way I want you to make them, this is how you should do it”) not to mention the same usual censorship bullshit, I decided to “whine” a bit by typing out a list of some of the stressors I’ve been dealing with just in the past month. This is mostly for my own cathartic release, but just in case you wanted a wee little guide into why I’m always so “tense and bitchy,” here’s a list to give you a clue:

EDIT: forgot to mention the nonstop weird pressure/mild migraine/whatever it is that has been attacking my left temple since august and no amount of testing or MRI has been able to figure the source of, yay!


-the continued struggle to keep hyperactive 2 and 4 year olds entertained and healthy while there’s a deadly pandemic raging in the country preventing indoor activities and playdates, and it’s too cold and wet to play outside

-my beloved cat disappeared on 12/12 and despite all my searching there’s been no sign of her so I can only presume she’s found a miserable and lonely death (and if you don’t think losing a beloved family pet is a source of stress and grieving, fuck you, you soulless monster)


-the continued slew of banned posts, no matter what level of preexisting censorship I apply to it–including giant digital pasties covering my entire body from the chin down–that I uniquely face on Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, and so many others (I say uniquely because all the time I am led to accounts full of far more explicit nudity that somehow get away scott-free while I am banned for my face only?? -see explanation above)

-the continued lack of options to make any money to pay for video hosting, etc–god forbid I want any compensation just for the endless hours of work I put into making and maintaining my content (I have literally no one else to hire to help me with any of the editing, social media managing, etc–it is ALL ME)–because I’m banned from monetization on sites like Youtube as “porn” (even with extreme censorship as explained above), my only option is on websites that I have to pay for like Vimeo (see below) and/or actual porn sites like pornhub, which I refuse to do (BECAUSE MY CONTENT IS NOT PORNOGRAPHIC…THAT’S THE ENTIRE FUCKING POINT!)


-now even Vimeo is harassing me for more money than the $1000 a year I already pay them, claiming that I’m “using too much bandwidth” (at 125k views a month on mostly 720p-only videos?) so I had to delete a bunch of my most-viewed videos, including all my past livestreams, to prevent them from deleting my entire account if I didn’t pay a lot more (see www.toplesstopics.org/fuckvimeo for more details)

-the constant fear of someone in the house contracting covid, which would FOR SURE wipe out my frail elderly parents who live with us, not to mention any of the rest of us could also die and/or suffer lifelong “long haul” symptoms??


-speaking of my parents, my mom’s been struggling with cancer for over ten years, and at this point, none of the chemo or other treatments she’s tried has helped, so she’s just waiting to die, essentially. the cancer is in all of her organs, and she’s got “fluid in her lungs” that the doctors say they can’t do anything about–often she has intense coughing fits, and I can’t help thinking “this is it, she’s gonna die right in front of the kids”


-back to online bullshit…I’ve been trying to make a “free subscription, pay-per-post” model onlyfans account instead of the monthly subscription one I have set up now, because it’s taking way too much time and effort to set up regular content posts, leaving no time or energy for actually making videos. But OF has been rejecting my approval form over and over for increasingly nonsensical reasons (they just rejected my instagram as proof of id for “not showing it’s me” because I have to hide everything under my chin or IG bans me??) and even once they do finally approve it, there’s no easy way to transfer subs over, I have to just close the subscription account (which hopefully will refund existing subs like it says and not have a huge problem with that end) and beg the same subs to come to the free account and pay per post instead. And of course that means-


-deal with yet another flood of non-content-creating male nudists telling me I’m “activisming wrong” by even having an OF (even though I DO NOT and WILL NOT ever post actually sexual content) and should just always do everything for free because idealism pays the bills apparently? (surprise: it doesn’t)
oh and finally


-operating under the constant threat that my husband will get laid off thanks to covid, even though he’s already been operating at a 20% pay decrease since the first lockdown in march and is doing the work of about five people because they already laid off everyone else in his department

So yeah…if I’m not all sunshine and smiles, I think I have good reason not to be. As I’ve said all along, Topless Topics isn’t purely focused on advocating for topless equality (which is NOT the same as full-body nudity–I just happen to be a nudist who thinks that the whole “body = sex” thing is idiotic, but my main focus has and always will be on me just wanting the same rights as men? seriously? just the same rights for everyone, regardless of what gender we look like?)–it’s my personal vlog too, it’s where I discuss the things that matter to me, from topless equality and feminism to parenting to gaming to mental health to whatever the hell else I feel like talking about…and you’re always welcome to skip a video, or unfollow entirely.

You can really leave your feedback if you want in the comments or whatever–but know that targeted criticism, UNLESS I SPECIFICALLY ASK FOR IT, is not helpful and will in fact only discourage me from trying to create at all. If you feel like there’s a better way to advocate for nudism or whatever else it is you want me to advocate, then please! CREATE YOUR OWN CONTENT! It’ll be far more close to your ideals and it’ll get the word out even more about whatever it is you want to stand for! (Also, the shitty fact is that a loooooot of people will put far more stock into the same opinions if they hear it come from a man than a woman)

Just please…keep your criticism to yourself, understand that I’m human, and I’m doing my best! If you want to support “the cause,” whether that’s topless equality, normalizing full body nudity, supporting mental health or sex positive educational discussions or whatever, be outspoken about it! Make your own original content, and/or amplify the voices of others who are advocating for it also by sharing their posts, writing your own captions about it, etc (if you want a more detailed guide on how to do this, check out www.toplesstopics.org/howtohelp ) because the only we we’ll change anything significant is if we all work together and build each other up, not tear down those we feel aren’t going about their advocacy the same way we would ourselves!

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